How to Talk to Your Tennis Player: When to Push and When to Step Back

One of the first things I ask any parent who is criticizing or questioning their child’s play or behavior is simple:Do you play?

That answer tells me a lot.

If they say yes, it’s much easier for them to understand how difficult the game really is. Things that look simple are not easy to execute, and pressure has a way of making anyone do things that don’t reflect their true ability.

If they say no, then the conversation shifts. Now it becomes about helping them understand the complexity of the sport and what their child is actually dealing with on the court.

Understanding When to Push and When to Step Back

If we broadly group parents, they tend to fall into two categories:those who push, and those who don’t.

There are no perfect rules for raising an athlete in a competitive environment. But regardless of which group you fall into, there are times when you should push your child—and times when you should step back and let them absorb.

The easiest marker to follow is engagement and passion.

Not every kid has it. And even the ones that do won’t stay in that mode all the time.

Reading Your Child’s Mindset During Wins and Losses

Tennis can be a brutal sport. And once you achieve something, the next level is often twice as hard.

Because of that, it’s much easier to push a player after they’ve won a tournament than when they’ve lost three in a row in the first round.

When a player is struggling, it’s important to understand how fragile their headspace can be. You have to recognize what they’re going through emotionally. Sometimes, bringing them back to why the sport was fun in the first place can help pull them out of a difficult place.

A key indicator here is how your message is being received.

If you’re getting short answers, visible frustration, or resistance—it’s time to pull back and give the situation space to breathe.

On the other hand, when a player is having success or is clearly listening with intent, that’s the moment to encourage more. That might mean setting new goals, increasing time on the court, or raising expectations. This should never come from pressure, fear, or negativity—but from opportunity and growth.

When a player is in that absorption phase, you can push further without the resistance that shows up during difficult periods.

How to Talk to Your Tennis Player After a Match

There are two things we always look for:competitiveness and attitude/behavior.

These are non-negotiable.

Those two areas can always be discussed after a match.

Everything else follows a simple rule:

After a loss, no critical feedback for 24 hours—especially not about tactics or reasons they lost.

If your child competed hard and behaved well, that’s what should be reinforced. Competing and maintaining composure when things are going poorly is not easy.

After a win, it’s a different story.Players are more open, less emotional, and better able to receive feedback. That’s when you can talk about tactics, improvements, and areas that still need work.

When Should You Push Your Child?

There’s an old saying in tennis:“Behind every good kid is a psycho or overbearing parent.”

There’s some truth to it.

This is a complex topic, but one reality is consistent:kids, by nature, will often avoid extra work.

If you ask 10 players how many hit extra serves that week, 8 of them will say they didn’t.

So when is it appropriate to push?

It starts with understanding your child’s makeup.

Are they:

• resilient

• competitive

• driven

• athletic

If you’re not seeing meaningful improvement over time, it may be a sign that pushing harder will create more harm than good. In those cases, it’s better to set reasonable standards and allow them to develop at their own pace.

But if those traits are present, pushing can be appropriate.

What does that look like?

• more time on court

• additional coaching

• structured conditioning

• in some cases, larger commitments like homeschooling

However, this has to be handled carefully.

I’ve seen many parents push their child toward goals they simply weren’t equipped to reach. And in those situations, it often leads to frustration—not just in performance, but in the relationship between parent and child.